My pop culture intake this weekend

After this morning's vapid little outburst on Troy, here's some possible opening sentences to a cogent review of the movie, should I ever find myself capable of writing it:

How does Hollywood take Homer's epic and make it accessible for modern audiences? Provide enough battles to stir the men's adrenaline, without having so many that it becomes a War Film (ref: Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line) that women will refuse to see with their men. Give all the Good Guys impeccable love interests who are the Reason They Fight. Make sure that even the biggest badass in the original has a Heart of Gold (see Achilles, reformation of). Have the Good Guys scoff freely at the gods. Cast lots and lots of hot men. And take advantage of ancient Greek clothing customs to show off Brad Pitt's butt (hey, it's worked like a charm ever since his debut in Thelma and Louise!)as often as you can.

And for anyone who watched the Best Of-style episode Survivor: America's Tribal Council and who also happens to be a graduate student in media studies, thank Jeff Probst and Gerri Manthey for giving you all you ever needed for your dissertation-in-waiting on reality TV shows and existentialism in modern society. Heck, it's enough to make me want to sign up for a media studies programme stat, since I already have the episode on tape.